The Mother My Child Needs

"Climbing Mother" Brian Kershisnik

I sat there, feeling as if my heart was too heavy to bear that day. I had just overheard someone discussing a challenge their child used to have, but they managed to find a specific solution for them, and they are now thriving.

One of my children has faced this same challenge. Listening to this other parent, I felt a deep sense of failure. Why hadn't I thought of the solution they found? If I had, would my child be in a better place now? Would they have overcome that struggle?

I leaned over to my friend who was with me. I shared my feelings with her, admitting that I wished I had done what those parents did for their child. Maybe if I had, my child also would have overcome that difficulty. Being the wise and awesome friend that she is she responded, "Whenever I feel like I should have done something differently as a mom, I remind myself that I would have, had I felt the prompting to do so."

Those words hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt instant relief from the guilt, shame, and sense of failure I had been experiencing.

I would have if I had been prompted to do it.

"He Remembers All the Mothers" by Paige Payne

I had forgotten something I truly believe in, we are the mother our children need. Each of our children is unique, just as each of us mothers is unique. There isn't a one-size-fits-all guide to motherhood. We are each endowed with distinctive gifts, and we have children who will benefit from those specific gifts.

Our Heavenly Father doesn't expect us to do this parenting thing alone. Our children are His children too. As we turn to Him and seek His guidance, He will "pour out His Spirit to guide" us.

I love this quote from Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf:

Another powerful way the Lord supports parents is through the gift of personal revelation. God is eager to pour out His Spirit to guide parents.

As you are prayerful and sensitive to the Spirit, He will warn you of hidden dangers. He will reveal your children’s gifts, their strengths, and their unspoken concerns. God will help you see your children as He sees them—beyond their outward appearance and into their hearts.

With God’s help, you can learn to know your children in a pure and heavenly way. I invite you to accept God’s offer to guide your family by personal revelation. Seek His guidance in your prayers.

I left that conversation with my friend feeling relieved from the guilt and a quiet peace took its place. I may not have all the answers right now, but I know this: God knows my child, and He knows me. With His help, I can be the mother my child needs—no comparisons, no regrets, just love and heavenly guidance one step at a time.

And so can you.

Much love,

Hilary